Unofficial fansite, maintained by @AGTrendsite
We’re not allowed to mention the t-word any more.
You scare people. Not in a Oh-jeezy-chreezy-there’s-an-deranged-monkey-with-a-bazooka-in-my-wardrobe kind of way, but in a “walking down the street and OH FFS IT’S A CLOWN!” kind of way.
Big Boss was on the wine AGAIN, going as far as to replace the milk in her Frosties with Lambrusco; and Cave Dweller was casting nervous glances at her Kryten figurine and rubbing its lucky foot whilst chanting, “By the power of Weird Science, please let us beat the football”. Get Aiden Signed Towers was not a happy place today. I, meanwhile, am not scared of you. I have faced down Off Duty Stevedores in dive bars in Palm Beach – nothing scares me.
Although I have to admit I wasn’t doing the Ranting Writer Patented Jig Of Joy when I saw the Trending Topics List at 6.00. (I don’t do the Ranting Writer Patented Jig Of Joy very often, if truth be told. The last time was a very, very mad night out on the Embarcadero). I didn’t recognize half the names, but Cave Dweller was spouting percentages and by the tone of their voice and the beads of sweat gathering attractively at the end of their nose I was surmising that things weren’t good.
But worries had I none, twitter, for we had the power of the Grimlings on our side. They had been called to rally to the cause, and rally to the cause they did. ONLY THE HIGHEST OPENING PERCENTAGE FOR WEEKS, TWITTTTAAAAAH, FOR WEEKS!! Our timelines twinkled with the wishes of the Grimlings to SignGrimshaw, and pretty soon so did the Trending Topics, and it stayed there until…
BY THE POWER OF ALL THAT IS UNHOLY TWITTER, WT-EVERLOVING-F ARE YOU PLAYING AT? In the sporting parlance you are so fond of, you can’t move the bloody goalposts in the middle of the freaking game! Trending topics changed more often than Katy Perry’s outfits at an awards show. Now we saw it, then we didn’t. Oh look it’s back – oh for crying out loud you evil son-of-a-byte – it was gone again.
Do you know what twitter? Stick it in your ear. Stick it anywhere you want. TWICE. I care not. We trended fairly and squarely, and no amount of cheating or malarkey on your part can change that. Make the trending topics huge, make them small. Make them all hashtags, make them in the secret language of freaking unicorns if you want, twitter, and we will still trend. Because we are Grimlings. We dealt with our guy being put in crap slots every week. We dealt with him being put out when that looney tune wigmonster was kept in. We dealt with the horrific disappointment and utter frickwittery of the tour-that-never-was (that one still hurts, twitter, still hurts). We’re dealing with not knowing if he’s got a record deal (although our hearts say he is). We can deal with a bit of twitter tweaking on your part. Bring it on. Bring it on with a marching band if you want. See you tomorrow.
Where is the love, twitter, where is the love. Nowhere near you, that’s for sure.
Ranting Writer is unwell. See you tomorrow for the vote, and we’re back to 6 for the trend. We made it to another week Grimlings. Another week closer to when we no longer have to say
SIGN AIDEN GRIMSHAW