Unofficial fansite, maintained by @AGTrendsite
An Open Letter To The Great God twitter
Great God twitter my (kaboom-tattooed) ASS! Come with me, twitter, on a journey into the past. 14 December 2010 in fact. Do you know what happened then? Well, Vanessa Hudgens, Miranda Hart, Michael Owen and Ted Raimi were blowing out the candles on their birthday cake (man, that was a helluva party. I remember the pandas jumping out of the birthday pie, but not a lot else after that. And I may have hallucinated the panda/pie bit). Apart from that it was a quiet day.
Except a Grimling had a dream. A dream that was shared with other Grimlings. And they tweeted it. Before you know it twitter, we hit the TTs with #GetAidenSigned. 52 days later, you 140 character limited old goat, we are still here, still with the same thought and still hating you twitter. THE HATE IT BURNS! FLAMES! REAL BURNING FLAMES OF HATE.
Ahem, where was I. Oh yeah. So we carried on with the trending, sacrificing Grimlings to your evil twitter jail along the way. Our followers list plunged more dramatically than Jordan’s necklines on each hard trend as Grimlings were jailed and suspended. Yet we carried on. Even on Christmas Day, twitter, when everyone else was watching The Queen and Doctor Who we were battering away at our keyboards and smartphones making sure that #signourquiffmanaiden was under your twitter tree like a lovely gift. New Year’s Day, when everyone else was stumbling around under the weight of masai hangovers (not me! I was still drunk, trending in a bar) we trended #2011yearofthegrimshaw (AND IT WILL BE TWITTER YOU CAN BET YOUR LITTLE TWEETY BIRDS ON IT!) like the trending top dogs that Grimlings are.
So, here we are. Twitter, today you made the worst mistake ever, and one that I will never forgive you for. I was summoned to speak to Grimling Social Media Whizz because of you. THEY LIVE IN A BLOODY CAVE! Do you appreciate that twitter, a cave, surrounded by computers and bar charts and all sorts of crap. It’s not pleasant. And what makes it worse is that they were telling me how nice you had been to us tonight, that Maiden Streetcam should never have hit the trends. WTeverlovingF twitter, I’m not going to be nice to you. Sod that noise. I had to stand there and listen to them wittering on about early numbers, algorithms, retweets and non-mentions. Gotta tell the truth twitter, the only thing that kept me going through that was a happy memory of an evening on a chaise longue in a Valparaiso drinking den. Anyway, I think what they were saying is that we need to go quick, go hard, and go in numbers for future trends. AND WE WILL TWITTTAAAAH for if there’s one thing that Grimlings are is dedicated.
Tomorrow is another day, twitter, and we have been alerted to something that will help us in trending tomorrow. You have been warned, my horrorbag of a letter receiver, you have been warned.
Love is a many splendoured thing twitter, but not for you. From us to you it’s a little scrunched up used snotrag. HAVE IT!
You only have to read it, folks, we have to work with it. They are telling the truth about the trending, today was the lowest opening trend ever. Thank you so much to the trenders, you are ace.
See you tomorrow for the vote, then at 6 for the trend. It’ll be a good one.