Trend Review – Monday 31 January

An open letter to the great god twitter

Dear twitter

Well, we thought it would be a struggle today, we really did.  I wound myself up until I was naught but a ball of fizzing ire at the thought of it.  Football Transfer Day?  The Football Fan’s Equivalent of the X Factor Final, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and Fat Pat LOLZ all rolled into one?  It was a big ask, twitter, although we were quite delighted when we noticed that you didn’t just annoy righteous Grimlings with your cheatsy ways; Torres wasn’t trending either despite percentages in the stratosphere.  Good to see you’re spreading the pain, twitter.

To be honest, twitter, WE PWNED YOUR SCRAWNY ASS tonight.  Trending in less than an hour with Grrrimshaw Gigs is a masai win for us. Yet again we sent you to your corner, leaving you rocking backwards and forwards, sucking your blankie and whispering, “bibbiebibbieGrimlingsbibbie”.  We’ll take that, oh yes we will twitter, for we have much to be thankful for on this good night.

A nearly sold-out mini tour with no promotion?  That’ll be Grimlings using twitter for good that will.  Grimlings using twitter to offer tickets to other Grimlings? G-double O-D good.  Twititions being set up for gigs in Scotland, Ireland, Wales and Northern Ireland?  Smash that.  Grimlings telling other Grimlings sites where they could get tickets?  Using twitter as a nice thing.  See twitter?  Why do you hate us so when we are quite pleasant and generous people?

Anyway, you better get your arse in gear and behave yourself tomorrow twitter.  We’re going for the big 50 days tomorrow and if you stick your grimy little spoke in our wheels of majesty we will go absolutely bananas.  We will not go to windowlicking and hat nicking levels of hysteria but a trend of such ferocity will be unleashed the failwhale will be brought out as a flag of surrender.  Oh yes it will.

So, on that cheery note we will leave you TWITTTTAAAAH!  We are in quite a good mood tonight, so will leave you with a jaunty wave and a perky gait.  We are one day closer to our aim.  It’s all about the love, twitter, and don’t you forget that.

Love for Grimlings, none for you my little blue twitter of treachery

The Grimlings

There you have it.  More incoherent ramblings tomorrow.  See you at 11 for the vote, and 6 for the 50th consecutive day trend attempt.  50 trends to get our point across of

SIGN AIDEN GRIMSHAW