Trend Review Friday 28 January

An Open Letter To the Great God Twitter

Dear twitter

How’s things?  Are you well?  You loved us this afternoon, spreading good news for some (people in England) and “oh bums” for others (people not in England) as you used yourself as a platform to share the great news of Aiden Grimshaw’s solo mini-tour.  Keep doing that.  We like that.  And if you do that for Scotland, Wales and Ireland well we’ll like that even more.

So, we were in a good mood twitter.  Some might even say a great mood.  So much so that our timelines filled with YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and other dolphin language noises.  We felt nourished and refreshed.  Grimlings tried a cheeky trend of #grimlingsthanko2 so elated were we, and even though it didn’t trend we were not down of heart.  We have the prospect of OMGHEMIGHTHAVEALIVEBAND to sustain us, even though we might not be lucky enough to see him.  See that, twitter, that is called happiness for our fellow Grimlings.  You will never know that feeling because you are a big bag of shite.

Yes, you read correctly.  Our good feelings evaporated like gossamer in the wind once we started trending Gr1mshaw Album.  You see that twitter.  That’s how much Grimlings want Aiden Grimshaw to be signed.  We will even mangle OUR OWN LANGUAGE to get the recognition that a spot in Trending Topics brings.  We started our trend attempt, several of us tweeting complete strangers, safe in the knowledge that a Grimling bond can never be broken, not even by a -OH YOU ARE BLOODY KIDDING ME IS THAT A FAIL WHALE??

A Fail Whale, twitter?  Seriously?  For a good quarter of the people trending.  That is poor.  Very poor.  Then, for those Grimlings that were not hampered by THE EVIL THAT YOU WROUGHT you drugged the hamsters that power the servers or something     because     everything     went     so     slow     for     everyone     else.

Again twitter we trended on regardless.  For during a trend we are single of purpose and stubborn of mind.  We kept going.  What else could you throw at us?

Oh, well twitter, that was a new one.  A disappearing Trending Topics box.  Nice.  Like your style.  Only it didn’t disappear for all of us and at 6.45pm, like the lovely thought that it is, Gr1nshaw Album popped up in the Trending Topics box.  It stayed there until Ian Beale and Grant Mitchell – the only people in the world who could make you, twitter, look like the love child of Pollybloodyanna and Peaceful Pete – came charging in.

To tell you the truth twitter, we don’t care anymore.  We really don’t.  We have got a feeling that our aim can now be hoped for as “When he-who-cannot-be-named-on-twitter gets signed” rather than “If”.  And when that day comes twitter you better have your flipping wits about you, because your Fail Whales can SOD RIGHT OFF then.  We’ll light bloody bonfires to get the message across if we have to.

Love? What Love?  No Love.  None whatsoever.  Not even a teeny tiny weeny bit.

The Grimlings

God.  And it started so well this afternoon.  Never mind.  Lie in tomorrow.  Vote for the trend up at 12 noon, trending at 6pm.  If a trend breaks out in the meantime, drop us a tweet and we’ll check it for you and publicise it.    Have a good night.  We’re another day nearer to when we no longer have to say

SIGN AIDEN GRIMSHAW